Ignorance is Bliss?One of the greatest “solutions” couples often practice in their relationship is ignoring what’s wrong. The hope or illusion is that the problem(s) will magically “fly away.”
In reality, when you don’t actually work things out, both parties will usually argue more and/or keep pretending everything is okay. And the end result? More distance in your relationship.. It’s a terrible situation to be in. Especially if you don’t know how to find a solution that actually works. And the only real solution is one that we all try to avoid: Sit down and face the problems head on. It’s definitely easier said than done! But don’t fret, here are few ways you can get the conversation started!
Solution #1: Listen… but ACTUALLY listen
Simply, shut up and let your significant other talk. Don’t say a word until they’re finished. A lot of times couples completely cut their significant other off to say something. Just be quiet and let your partner finish. Put your beliefs and judgements on hold and try to get a sense of things. You need to listen to their whole story before being able to respond effectively.
Solution #2: Don’t Be Judge & Jury
Who gives you the right to judge whether your loved one’s feelings are right or wrong? It’s their feelings, not yours. And at the end of the day people will feel the way they feel. When you discount how they feel you are saying you don’t agree with how they feel. How can you NOT agree with how they feel? If you think about it, this position does not make sense. You may not experience the world the same way but that doesn’t mean their view is invalid. Make room for their view and you will invite change into your relationship.
Solution #3: Create Space for Change
After you both talk, don’t attempt to manipulate your partner to do things your way. It’s not a competition between your view and your loved one’s view. This is the part where you both must compromise to find a solution that works well for both of you. One of the greatest challenges for couples is moving from an individualistic to a relationship perspective. It’s all about what works good for the relationship. Once you create space for a new conversation, your relationship will begin to change! Remember, you are on the same team. It almost sounds funny to say, but you are in your relationship together.