Are You Actually "Too Needy"? Or are You Being Completely Rational?
“You’re too needy.”
“You expect too much.”
“Your expectations are too high.”
“Why are you acting like that?”
If you ever dated, you’ve probably experienced at least one time in your dating life that you are being "too needy." In spite of the fact that our general public transcendently connects this name more toward ladies than men, I think all of us can turn out to be excessively cautious and insecure about our significant other seeing us as "too needy."
In dread of being marked with the label of being "too needy" or "too emotional" we become insecure about any of our needs and we suppress them to avoid the label that may come with it. We subliminally overcompensate in the other way, not even satisfying our needs, in our attempt to show this "easy-going" personality in all situations. Do you see yourself doing this?
Unfortunately, as a result, we lose our voice. This common dilemma is confusing and can cause a lot of stress for you AND your relationship.
In the beginning of a relationship it can be tricky; it's new and you don’t want to dive in head first, heart open and completely vulnerable. Some caution and holding back from going all in right away can be beneficial in creating long term safety and consistency. But, the issue becomes present when you’re constantly suppressing your needs and feelings (practically avoiding being your true authentic form) is the norm in the relationship. Fast forward through time and all your experiences together as a couple, and you now have a bigger problem than being perceived as “too needy”. You don’t have to hide your true self for anyone especially if that’s someone who “loves” you.
You may not realize this but even though you’re not arguing, that doesn’t mean your relationship is NOT unhealthy or unsecure. If you went down the path of “protecting yourself” by “avoiding drama” through not setting boundaries or laying down your wants/needs, then you and your significant other may not even understand each other on a deep level. I mean you practically built your relationship on partial truths and un-reassured insecurities.
To be quite frank, my opinion concerning being "too needy," is this:
When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable asking your needs and wants in a relationship, you are dealing with a bigger insecurity. This insecurity and fear is limiting you from being heard and understood by your partner. It’s essentially denying you the ability to feel reassured in your relationship.
And the thing is… you deserve the right to have some sort of sense of security IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, and in all honesty, you need to work as a team so as to accomplish this journey we call love! You're not "too needy"... because at the end of the day, you are fighting for what you want!
You need to go out on a limb and be vulnerable in these solicitations, versus what we normally do and be petty to get attention from our significant other. We must be calm and collected while also being transparent. I mean, "I may be acting irrational, but I feel insecure about the woman from your job and I truly need some reassurance that you love me :(." is WAY different than, "WHEN ARE YOU Getting back home? Why do you always talk about that woman from work?! I DON'T GET WHY YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH"
Your significant other will thank you and you will be astounded how much of a difference this makes with their reaction, and how they respond to your request. This way your needs are not "too needy", they are logical and healthy. Conflicts are perfectly normal and healthy, uncertainties are as well. Why? We are human. Suppressing how we feel or indirectly communicating how we feel is NOT healthy.
You will consistently be seen as "too needy" or "too much" if you don't know how to properly express your fears and needs in an effective way.